On Fantasy Versus Reality.
While many novice submissives have rich fantasies regarding Bondage and Discipline, they may be unprepared for the transition from fantasy to reality.
Indeed. An alluring image, a whispered scene, or an erotic blog passage can be intensely arousing for a girl. Being naked, spread, blindfolded, and tied to a bed behind locked doors while her Dominant flogs her tender, exposed pussy…may be an entirely different proposition.
How does a girl know if fantasies and cravings will become her real life joys and sensual addictions? In some cases, she knows. Her arousal and desire brings her naturally to this place, and she merely needs to find a trustworthy Dominant to bring her forward.
However, in many cases, she will not know until she can experience her fantasies for the first time - under the hand of a hungering Dominant. This underscores the importance of her Dominant’s role in bringing her forward. And it demonstrates how important the relationship is between Dominant and submissive.
The right Dominant takes the time to learn about a novice. He will have her discuss her sexual history, including highlights and disappointments. He will be sensitive to any traumas, both physical and emotional. He will ask about her wants, needs, hungers, and desires. And he will form an impression of the unique journey she must take to release her to her hungers and ultimately fulfill her.
Does this mean a Dominant caters to a novice? Not at all. His exploration of a girl serves a dual purpose. It enables him to form a distinct impression of her sensuality, sincerity, eagerness to please, cravings, and allure. But it also enables him to assess her fit with his own hungers and desires. If he can sate himself with a girl who eagerly serves, the match can be very fulfilling.
With regard to the image above, I smile. I once stripped a novice and lay her back, spread in similar fashion. I blindfolded her and whispered in her ear…
“I am going to flog your pussy until you beg to cum for me.”
She instantly began to drip, and her hips undulated slightly. I let her wait while I selected a special flogger made of glove leather and tested it in the air, close to her ear. It made an ominous sound when snapped, but she was unaware it provides more of a kiss with a bite when it lands. I watched as she tried to prepare herself for the unknown. She had only been flogged lightly on the ass and breasts, and never on her most nether, tender region.
And I began. I worked lightly, making sure the impact was more like my fingers as I probe. My strokes were light - similar to a massage. And I worked up to a rhythm and intensity I felt would bring her along.
She gasped and recoiled with the first few impacts, and then the magic took over. With each successive stroke, she made the erotic connection I was forging. These were erotic challenges from me, but more like deep, intimate kisses than any sort of punishment. And my combination of implement, technique, and mind fuck brought her to an intensely aroused state.
Her hips continued to move, but now she was undulating towards my strokes instead of recoiling in fear. Her breathing grew more intense, and she began to sing to me with the special combination of whimpers and moans I enjoy so much. I watched her nipples harden and her entire body dance with my strokes.
And then - she exclaimed over and over as she experienced one of the most erotic moments in her time under my hand….
“Oh my GOD, Oh my GOD, FUCK. Ohhhhhhh my GODDDD. PLEASE Sir, may I cum for you? Please Sir….PLEASE….may I cum for you?”
I smiled, edging her forward, and making her beg for what she never thought would happen in her wildest dreams. And then I granted her release, showing her the amazing intensity of the dance on the fringe of darkness when two truly dance as one….
“Cum for me, girl. Goooood girl. Cum for me.”
Later,as she lay draped over me, still trembling from her experience, she asked….
“How did you know, Sir? How did you know I could cum from that? Does this happen with every girl?”
I stroked her hair and smiled, relating my knowledge as a combination of impressions and intuition. I also explained how every girl’s journey on the fringe of darkness is unique, and each girl dances in her own way when brought forward approriately.
Find the one you can trust. The Dominant who will understand you better than you understand yourself in this realm. The one who will take you where you need to go in your own BDSM journey. And make your fantasies memories.
Caption © Fringe of Darkness, 2012
Image - property of originator
![Triangular Theory of Love
Nonlove “refers simply to the absence of all three components of love. Nonlove characterizes the large majority of our personal relationships, which are simply casual interactions.”
Liking/friendship is “used here in a nontrivial sense. Rather, it refers to the set of feelings one experiences in relationships that can truly be characterized as friendship. One feels closeness, bondedness, and warmth toward the other, without feelings of intense passion or long-term commitment.”
Infatuated love: “infatuation results from the experiencing of passionate arousal in the absence of intimacy and decision/commitment…like Tennov’s limerance.”[5] Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops over time. Without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.
Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the spouses’ relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form, indicating “how empty love need not be the terminal state of a long-term relationship…[but] the beginning rather than the end.”
Romantic love “derives from a combination of the intimate and passionate components of love…romantic lovers are not only drawn physically to each other but are also bonded emotionally” - bonded both intimately and passionately, but without sustaining commitment.
Companionate love is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. “This type of love is observed in long-term marriages where passion is no longer present” but where a deep affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between close friends who have a platonic but strong friendship.
Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage - “fatuous in the sense that a commitment is made on the basis of passion without the stabilizing influence of intimate involvement.”
Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple.” According to Sternberg, these couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they cannot imagine themselves happier over the long-term with anyone else, they overcome their few difficulties gracefully, and each delight in the relationship with one other. However, Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. “Without expression,” he warns, “even the greatest of loves can die.” Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.
By far one of my favorite love theories in Psychology. I don’t know why they didn’t teach this when I was much much younger. Knowing the proper terms for how one feels about another is the first step towards emotional maturity. Nobody wants to call their feelings “Puppy Love” when “Fatuous Love” sounds so much more appropriate.
I totally agree that it’s a step toward emotional maturity. Iit provides language yeah, but it also provides context and scope. It illustrates that there are different kinds of love in relationships amidst “fairytale culture” that tends to give teenagers overly romantic and sometimes damaging imagery about what “love” should be.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3jjw6M5dq1rrtgyjo1_1280.jpg)
